The Team

Meet the team of experts that are going to save your butt someday!

Name: Jason
Job: The Boss
Nickname: “Cheese”
Description: He’s the boss… Nuff said.

Quote:
“You’re alive so calm down. Just relax and breathe, everything’s going to be ok. Are you able to move? Ok, good. Now… very slowly get your butt up, grab that friggin’ bat and de-animate some zombies!”


Name: Braden
Job: Communications
Nickname: “Chatterbox”

Description: Police often question him, just because they find him interesting. He lives vicariously through himself. He can navigate a ship by the stars… during the day. He submitted an application to become a Navy Seal and found out he already was one. His grade school teachers raised their hands to ask him questions. He’s the most interesting kid in the world.

Quote: “I don’t always talk about zombies, but when I do, I talk about them here on… Don’t Get Bit. Stay vigilant my friends.”


Name: Megan
Job: Cook and Nutrition Specialist
Nickname: “Chef”
Description: Expert in culinary cuisine and responsible for the Team’s nutritional wellness and food preparation for optimum flavor, texture and quality.

Quote: “Looks edible *CRUNCH* hmmm… needs hot sauce”.


Name: Vera Lee
Job: Defensive Sterilization and Disinfectant Specialist
Nickname: “Suds”
Description: Specializes in infectious zombie blood and flesh removal. She is an intricate and necessary part of the team.

Quote:
““By the age of six the average child will have completed the basic American education…. From television, the child will have learned how to pick a lock, commit a fairly elaborate bank holdup, prevent wetness all day long, get the laundry twice as white, and kill people with a variety of sophisticated armaments.”


DoreeThumbName: Doree Anne
Job: Chief Intelligence Officer
Nickname: “Words”
Description: Even in the ZA education will be everything. Even a simple book reccomendation in such desperate times can lift the spirit enough to get by. That’s “Words” job, keeping as all educated.

Quote: “An education isn’t how much you have committed to memory, or even how much you know. It’s being able to differentiate between what you know and what you don’t.”


Name: Samantha Jones
Job: Medic / Therapist
Nickname: “Patches”
Description: As medic she is primarily responsible for providing emergency medical treatment, limited primary care and health protection and evacuation from a point of injury or illness. Also to hold us and tell us everything is going to be OK and give back scratches… Lots of back scratches… Oh oh oh… and bake cookies on our birthday.

Quote: “People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who really do.”


Name: Douglas P. Worthington
Job: Weapons Specialist
Nickname: “Loaded”
Description: Responsible for the accountability, issue, receipt, cleanliness, maintenance and serviceability of all weapons and ammunition as well as any non-lethal weapons, and personal protective equipment for which custody is assigned.

Quote: “Guns kill people, like spoons made Rosie O’Donnell fat.”


Name: Barron Von Asschewer
Job: Early Warning System
Nickname: “The Mutt”

*


Name: Mike Hunt
Job: Soldier/Bait
Nickname: “Red Shirt”
Job Description: Due to an overall lack of experience in Zombie De-animation and Evasion Techniques and a general social awkwardness, a “Red Shirt” has duties such as: Getting coffee, test dummy, getting doughnuts, changing the channel, getting the dry-cleaning, bait for zombies, weapons and supplies mule and zombie stand-in.

Quote: “I’m not like the other a-holes they keep calling Red-Shirts. I’ve got something they didn’t have… A blue shirt under this red one they keep making me wear. I’m golden.”


Name: Doug Swanson
Job: Soldier/Bait (DECEASED)
Nickname: “Red Shirt”
COD: Died of Ocular-Rectitus and a flame-thrower explosion, but mostly from the flame-thrower explosion.

Final Quote: “Ahhhhhh!! Hot Hot Hot Hot…. Gah!”


Name: Terry Johnson
Job: Soldier/Bait (DECEASED)
Nickname: “Red Shirt”
COD: Died of Acid Reflux from spicy burritos and a falling baby grand piano, but mostly from the falling baby grand piano.

Final Quote: “Ugh… My stomach feels like it’s on fire! Wait… Do you guys hear a piannnnooooo….”


Name: Peter Smith
Job: Soldier/Bait (DECEASED)
Nickname: “Red Shirt”
COD: Died of sticker shock from his I-Phone Apps bill and a rabid koala-bear attack, but mostly from the rabid koala-bear attack.

Final Quote: “Awww… They’re so much cuter in person! Why exactly is it looking at me like that? Get it off me! He’s tearing my face off!!! For the love of God he’s eating my face!”

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99 comments on “The Team

  1. Currently enrollment to the team is closed. But we are going to begin looking for a “Transportation Specialist” in the next few weeks. Keep your eyes open for it. Also there is one secret way to be let in, it’s posted somewhere on the blog.

    • It’s because no self-respecting zombie wants to re-animate with all that hosile wildlife about, what with koalas and kangaroos and the natives… actually, you’re probably quite safe anywhooo, lol

  2. That’s what THEY want you to think, that “There are no zombies in Australia”. Be on guard and be prepared. A zombie attack can happen anywhere on the globe.

    • Trust me they would do better in dry and arid because decomp would happen a lot slower there than in humid climates. Think of Egypt’s mummies, still intact after a few thousand years due to the climate. I live in Phoenix Arizona in the southwestern US where it’s 112 and dry everyday.

  3. Great Blog!! Keep it up. Glad we share the same state. Will be on the lookout for you guys if/when we are just a few of the humans left here in AZ.

    • Good to hear SunnyAZ! Glad you checked us out. If you have any zombie questions or information stop by anytime! Preparation Means Survival and remember… Don’t … Get … Bit!

  4. I am a time traveller. There is no zombie apocolypse, in any time period or parallel reality.

    In fact, this whole zombie thing is an entirely unique fantasy to this (and only this) little sliver of reality you know. No other reality is as morbid as this one, in all my travels.

  5. Time travel huh? Can I ask why someone with the ability to do such a thing would come all the way back here, from whatever future/time-line you’re from, to comment on our lil ol’ blog? What else are you doing here? Playing the lottery?

  6. me and my team talked it over and would like to join forces if thats ok with u jason we also have a stock pile of guns we met up in the millitary we were recon and went threw para troping i can fly a black hawk so if u want to let me know

  7. hey jason me and my team were wondering if we could join up because we have millitary recon traning and my co wants to join to thats pretty good because we can be a reliable aset to your team let me know what you think

    • Well that is a problem. Us being in Phoenix and you in LA… that distance might as well be light years away when the ZA happens. Start your own survival team in LA and when the dust settles we’ll meet in Palm Springs. In the meantime I’m always looking for contributions for stories on the website. Feel free to submit news or ideas for articles anytime and I’ll give credit wherever you want me to send the readers. Good hunting and remember the best advice on how to survive the ZA… don’t get bit!

  8. do u have millitary training and some of my platoon thinks we are a joke i told them that i will rember that when a hord has them pined in a room and to rember i warned them

    • No military training but lots of paramilitary training, mostly hand to hand combat, survival training and weapons training. Let them keep making fun and when they’re getting chewed on you’ll have the last laugh!

    • After a few weeks when things have settled down after the ZA someplace like @33.951555,-116.461711 would be acceptable. A quick escape into the nearby mountains to the north should provide enough cover for an extraction.

  9. we will all meet up? both teams and to tell u the truth if push comes to shove if i get bit i want u pulling the trigger

  10. yea they are and when u get bit im gunna tie u up and use every martal art move i was taught to tourtue u untill u turn u jack waggon

  11. dude im gettin deployed in a week so if i get taken out good hunting and kill 2 for me pleez who rah btw old millitary say in means lets do this or ohh yea

    • Thank you for your service Brother. I want to hear from you so don’t get ghost you hear me? All of us here will ALWAYS be there for you. Stay in contact and we’ll send you a Care Package From Home. We volunteer for them. Send me a pic of you and your buddy, your names and Unit so I can put it up today, just link it in a comment or email it to dontgetbit@gmail.com. We here at Don’t Get Bit have a special place in our scorched hearts for our Brothers and Sisters over seas. So get out there and get some! Go get 2 for us! Oooohhhhhhraaaaaahhhh!

  12. hey i only go to 30 sec to type that way our position is not given away just say in hey my first day sucked got shot at lost 2 of my squad gtg oooorrrahhhh i made it later

  13. How do I join? Actually, my you really should let my two 21-year-old sons and I in your organization. They are highly skilled at jiu jitsu and kick boxing, and I am retired military. Plus, I am a qualified aircraft mechanic. Finally, all three of us are qualified to operate a sailboat of any size, and the sailboat happens to be the perfect bug out transportation vehicle.

    • I’m not entirely sure what’s going on in that video… just because it has 3 seconds of “zombie stuff” in it doesn’t necessarily make it zombie related. What’s your story… why should we post this? Maybe that would help?

  14. hello my name is kolton kares i am a firm believer in the upcoming zombie outbreak and have made a esacpe plan and would like to send it to you and get some feed back im 16 and in the sea cadet we train 1 a month with the navy and i am proficenent with the m-16 any adive would be helpful and ould like to send you my plan within the week

  15. Well I am a native to the valley and must say I love the site very awesome and helpful. I believe you are on to the right path but i beleive we will see marshial on all of us to tryntrol the outbreak>all city exits will be closed 45min of the declaired out break. I have been training my self for such an event. The ZA is a very real event with or with out zombies. Over population is the key to your out break and being that we just hit 7 bil. in europe we need to look at this in a brighter light. as for the escape plane you better learn some back roads out of the city that goes for any city, Marshial law is real and it means they walk in just take your equipment. I think I would be a great fit in your company

    • Hey Bayy! Well all of us at DGB are always prepared to stay put in the ZA. Hold-up in the safest place near you. Lay low, improvise and stay safe until you can get to your safehouse or meetup point.

  16. Jason. I’m looking for Zombie art work. I’m on Face book as ” Arms Zombie “and some one gave me your name .iM BUILDING A DOT COME SITE : ArmZombies.Com and need some cool zombie stuff can you help me out ?
    George

  17. Love this and I want in…kinda. 30, former MCMAP instructor, well versed in the way of the zombie. Unfortunately, I’m near DC (likely ground zero). CONSIDER…letting me in as a red shirt for a sub location under your command.

    Will leave with this, “Blades don’t need reloading”, Brooks never talks about blood splat. Keep your distance.

  18. Hello Jason, if ZA is really going to happen, it is going to spread all around the world right? Means, 6 billion people on earth will turn flesh eating monsters. How do we contact each other if this really happen? I have prepared myself a surviving kit. Only basic one. Any advice on how to stay undercover without being tracked?-Justin, Malaysia

  19. Ham radios if you can find one and buy it, it operates on waves that dont need any towers, just need your antana and some one else out there with one. This is a preppers means of contact

    • But is there a device that you can hand charge batteries or you are going to have to keep on scavenging for them which may be an unnecessary risk.

  20. Hey, love this site!! I’m 16 and trying to organize my own team for the upcoming ZA. I’m based in NZ and was wondering could you list the optium number of mebers and thier roles. Much appreciated

  21. i love playing zombie games like black ops zombies dead island and zombie survival games but the just dont excist and never will exist give me one logical reason why the dead will come out of there graves

  22. lol movies have made you mentally retarded !! if there were no movies ; there would be no zombies lol .. since beginning of mankind there had been no ZA ; and now this retarded person is talking about it ! Good job ! you are the only one in whole mankind lol ; u’re making history hahahahahhaahahahha

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