Meet the team of experts that are going to save your butt someday!
Job: The Boss
Description: He’s the boss… Nuff said.
Quote: “You’re alive so calm down. Just relax and breathe, everything’s going to be ok. Are you able to move? Ok, good. Now… very slowly get your butt up, grab that friggin’ bat and de-animate some zombies!”
Description: Police often question him, just because they find him interesting. He lives vicariously through himself. He can navigate a ship by the stars… during the day. He submitted an application to become a Navy Seal and found out he already was one. His grade school teachers raised their hands to ask him questions. He’s the most interesting kid in the world.
Quote: “I don’t always talk about zombies, but when I do, I talk about them here on… Don’t Get Bit. Stay vigilant my friends.”
Job: Cook and Nutrition Specialist
Description: Expert in culinary cuisine and responsible for the Team’s nutritional wellness and food preparation for optimum flavor, texture and quality.
Quote: “Looks edible *CRUNCH* hmmm… needs hot sauce”.
Name: Vera Lee
Job: Defensive Sterilization and Disinfectant Specialist
Description: Specializes in infectious zombie blood and flesh removal. She is an intricate and necessary part of the team.
Quote: ““By the age of six the average child will have completed the basic American education…. From television, the child will have learned how to pick a lock, commit a fairly elaborate bank holdup, prevent wetness all day long, get the laundry twice as white, and kill people with a variety of sophisticated armaments.”
Name: Doree Anne
Job: Chief Intelligence Officer
Description: Even in the ZA education will be everything. Even a simple book reccomendation in such desperate times can lift the spirit enough to get by. That’s “Words” job, keeping as all educated.
Quote: “An education isn’t how much you have committed to memory, or even how much you know. It’s being able to differentiate between what you know and what you don’t.”
Name: Samantha Jones
Job: Medic / Therapist
Description: As medic she is primarily responsible for providing emergency medical treatment, limited primary care and health protection and evacuation from a point of injury or illness. Also to hold us and tell us everything is going to be OK and give back scratches… Lots of back scratches… Oh oh oh… and bake cookies on our birthday.
Quote: “People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who really do.”
Name: Douglas P. Worthington
Job: Weapons Specialist
Description: Responsible for the accountability, issue, receipt, cleanliness, maintenance and serviceability of all weapons and ammunition as well as any non-lethal weapons, and personal protective equipment for which custody is assigned.
Quote: “Guns kill people, like spoons made Rosie O’Donnell fat.”
Name: Mike Hunt
Nickname: “Red Shirt”
Job Description: Due to an overall lack of experience in Zombie De-animation and Evasion Techniques and a general social awkwardness, a “Red Shirt” has duties such as: Getting coffee, test dummy, getting doughnuts, changing the channel, getting the dry-cleaning, bait for zombies, weapons and supplies mule and zombie stand-in.
Quote: “I’m not like the other a-holes they keep calling Red-Shirts. I’ve got something they didn’t have… A blue shirt under this red one they keep making me wear. I’m golden.”
Final Quote: “Ahhhhhh!! Hot Hot Hot Hot…. Gah!”
Final Quote: “Ugh… My stomach feels like it’s on fire! Wait… Do you guys hear a piannnnooooo….”
Final Quote: “Awww… They’re so much cuter in person! Why exactly is it looking at me like that? Get it off me! He’s tearing my face off!!! For the love of God he’s eating my face!”