Zombie Apocalypse Knowledge: Zombie Identification

Epic Post Warning! In the Zombie Apocalypse few things could be as important as Zombie Identification. Being able to identify Zeds at close range or at a distance should be an important Zombie Survival Skill that any Survivor should have already mastered. Nothing could be worse than friendly fire by those you trust and who trust you. A mistake like killing your best Medic could be team shattering and life ending for everyone on your Zombie Apocalypse Survival Team. Tonight to help bring the Independent Zombie Film being produced here in Mesa Arizona that is currently looking for as many zombies as possible, we are going to look at how to identify a Zombie or Zom or Zed at a distance or up close, Don’t Get Bit presents… Zombie Apocalypse Knowledge: Zombie Identification. This will also be a good analog for dressing as a Zombie if you wish to be a part of the movie.

Zombie Identification 

Today’s class is on Zombie Identification or How to Spot A Zombie. 

What is a Zombie? Zombies are classically put into 2 basic categories, Fast Zombies and Slow  Zombies. In recent years Fast Zombies have made a surge in pop-culture and  have been featured in several movies, most notably “Dawn of the Dead” and “28  Days Later” as well as it’s sequel “28 Weeks Later”. Slow zombies are a much  more survivable option given a choice, but even with the heart pounding, nail  biting, fear inducing thought of millions of fast and incredibly strong zombies  they are survivable and are in fact destructible.

So with that out of the way let’s  get into specifics.  Zombies are in most cases human in form and the victims have been infected  with some agent, chemical or biological, for which there is no known  cure/vaccine and which has a very fast onset, sometimes seconds. This agent is  spread generally by contact with bodily fluids and can be spread to a new  individual by contact of an open would or bodily orifice by other infected  victims, in most cases it is a bite to the flesh of said victim that starts the  ordeal. It will either cause death and re-animation after death or in the viral  cases it causes severe fever, hemorrhaging of the brain and a loss of what some  call the personality or soul of the infected individual replacing it with rage  and/or hunger. It causes the victim to behave in an abnormal way, usually  highly aggressively, with little desire to do much of anything besides hunting  and eating it’s prey… humans.


Now I know some of you are saying that “Zombies must be “Dead” why is it not  in the definition”? Here at “Don’t Get Bit” we are going to smash that concept  with a blunt weapon and accept the fact that zombies can be both alive or dead.  What’s important to us is that the zombie has been through the transformation  process where the infected person loses their self, spirit or personality, what  ever you choose to call it, and become mindless killing machines bent on eating  live human flesh or in the “not so dead” sense simply serve to spread the  infection.

How to Spot A Zombie

1: Moaning

Due to lack of mental processing abilities, it is generally accepted  that Zombies will lack the faculties necessary for speech. Because of their  inability to process speech either through the destruction of their flesh in their  ear, nose and throat areas or simply because of their lack of higher thinking,  they begin to make animalistic noises ie. grunting, moaning, howling and  growling. If confronted with a Zombie Apocalypse and you begin to hear said  noises you should either run to safety or be prepared to take drastic actions. If  a member of your team is suspected of being infected you should try to ask  them basic questions like what is their name, where are they from or please  count to ten. If their responses begin to sound like grunting, moaning, howling  and growling it’s a good idea to go ahead and cure the survivor’s newly  acquired illness per the Team Rules. Too lazy to click that link? The answer is  shoot them in the head.

2: Smell

Zombies by definition have begun rotting immediately upon infection  or death. Rotting human flesh has a very particular smell to it and once it is  smelled… you never un-smell it. The sense of smell is the most powerful of  your senses as the nose’s nerve endings are wired directly into the brain unlike  the other senses which go through several filters before entering the brain. For  example, I worked at a cemetery for a while doing an internship in my Zombie  Studies. In a large monsoon storm the foundation of one of the mausoleums  cracked and part of the building came down. The smell that escaped from the  coffins that were inside was unmistakable and I will never forget it. It took days  to get the smell out of my nose. So use your most powerful sense and pay  attention to what your nose tells you. If you smell old meat… move your feet.

3: Skin Color

Zombies by definition have begun rotting immediately upon  infection or death. Because decomposition begins immediately it is not hard to  spot the walking dead if you know what to look for. Remember that some  zombies may be newly dead while others may have been dead for a  considerably longer time so the decomposition may be on different levels.  Some universal signs though are wounds that are no longer bleeding, missing  limbs, intestines hanging out, faces ripped off and possibly body parts simply  moving around on their own while detached from the host. With that  decomposition comes the fact that blood circulation is no longer happening  and that rosy skin color of the living is replaced by a blue and sometimes green  tint to the skin based on how long they have been infected/dead.

4: Stumbling

I am using the example of a slow zombie in this case. In the case  of fast zombies this symptom is nullified and should be taken into  consideration based on the type of zombie you are required to deal with. But in  the case of slow zombies the deterioration of flesh and muscle make  coordination for zombies difficult to say the least. Stumbling or ambling like an  old man without his walker is the best template to use for identification in this  category. However in attempting to verify that the zombie is in fact a zombie  and not an old man, please cross reference other symptoms with this one to  ensure you are not blowing the head off of your grandfather on accident. Old  people, although disgusting, annoying and hard to socialize with, they are a  plethora of information and could be useful, should they still be alive, in a  consulting capacity. They eat very little and can for the most part take care of  themselves, sort of like a cat.

5: The “Idiot Look”

Because of zombies lack of brain power their faces tend to  be slack and their jaws hang open. Unless of course they are feverishly chewing  on the living. But in most cases a walking zombie will tend to have the facial  expression of an incredibly drunk person; eyes rolling, jaw open and drooling.  Keeping their mouth closed so they don’t look like an idiot mouth breather is  not a high priority for zombies. Their eyes are frequently glazed over,  sometimes oddly colored, if even still present. The eyes tend to take on a milky  white appearance and sometimes bright red or black in some cases. A dead  persons eyes are unmistakable but in order to get a good look at someone’s  eyes you need to be rather close to them, opening you up to attack. So be  careful!

6: Eating People

Zombies snacking on a face, neck, or other body part of a  screaming person is definitely the most visible and unmistakable trait of the  living dead. People don’t eat people… well, most people don’t eat people.  Cannibalism is highly frowned upon in the west (like here in America) but in  other parts of the world like Scandinavia it is less frowned upon but still a no-no  even though it is rarely enforced. I can’t vouch for that last part but I assume  it’s generally true… Damn Scandis… If you do see a man feverishly tearing apart  the guts of a woman in the middle of the street while several others are hungrily  snacking on her legs, arms and neck… More than likely, you are witnessing the  Zombie Apocalypse. At this point, I would highly recommend NOT helping said  victim, and you should probably leave the area immediately and use them as a  distraction for your escape to your safe-room. We refer you again to the Team  Rules section of this blog for clarification of the proper etiquette in leaving said  victim behind as there are several subtleties involved with this decision.

Too lazy to click that link? The answer is shoot them in the head. But when in  doubt… run it out. GET OUT OF THERE!

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