This story from BBC News highlights one of the strangest and possibly lifestyle altering mind-benders I’ve ever been told. It’s about that juicy, mouth watering, medium rare steak that we all love and adore.
Some of the steak you’ve eaten, or maybe JUST ate was cloned from the DNA of a dead cow. It was resurrected from the carcass of a dead cow and raised to maturity only to end up being the steak on your plate. You know why? Because US beef suppliers claim that beef cannot be judged unless it’s taken from a carcass.
“We identify carcasses that have certain carcass characteristics that we want, but it’s too late to reproduce the genetics of the animal. But through cloning we can resurrect that animal.”
The emphasis is mine. These “resurrected” zombie cows are then hooked-up with naturally born cows behind the barn and they wait and see if offspring’s meat… which can be sold to you and me in the US… has the same juicy, mouth watering, medium rare deliciousness we also loved and adored from the zombie cow’s grandparent’s meat.
“The notion behind what we are doing is to find that animal that created that great steak – and once we have it, we want to reproduce it. So (if we are successful), every time we have a steak at a restaurant it will have that memorable taste.”
Designer zombie steaks. We’re being fed zombie meat? Really? To be honest I just never thought about it. Sure it could be said that maybe I’m just another stupid American consumer, willing at some point to disregard the anti-cloning argument in exchange for, as we discussed earlier… Juicy, mouth watering, medium rare deliciousness. But I don’t think so.
I am not alone in my fear of zombie cow meat. Whole Foods Market has banned the sale of anything containing the offspring of cloning. According to its VP Margaret Wittenberg…
“Although meat and milk from cloned animals has been allowed to go on sale in the US, most Americans have never heard of it. A lot of customers in the United States are oblivious of it,” she said. “You don’t hear about it in the media. And when you do tell people about it they look at you and say ‘you’re kidding! They’re not doing that are they? Why would they?'”
Well I for one do not want to eat zombie meat. I am sort of shocked at the thought that I may have already eaten it, even though the chances are relatively small. Currently there are only 1000 zombie cows in the 100,000,000 head US cattle herd. That’s only a .0001% chance… Then again that’s more than a .0000% chance.
So what to do… Do I not eat the government subsidized force-fed zombie meat? How can it be that I’m even considering such drastic and heartbreaking measures? No meatballs!!! Good god!?!? No meatballs!!!??? No fajitas? No cheeseburgers? NO PRIME RIB? Damn you, you brain eatin’ zombie cows!!! Daaaaaamn YOU!!!!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!