Zombie Hunt Rules and Regs

I saw this list on a blog a while back and for the life of me cannot remember what I did with the link. If you know who it is let me know… Anywhoo here are the Rules and Regs for a Zombie Hunt in season. You can click the image to the left to get a hi-res PDF for printing.

Unlike other game species, the Zombie population is actually growing. So there is no limit. Yet there are still some rules.

1. When hunting in a group of three or more, the person who runs the slowest gets first shot.

2. If the zombie doesn’t go down with the first shot, subsequent shots shall be taken by the rest of the party starting with the shooter to the first shooters right.

3. People with limps or severe charlie horses are not allowed on a hunt, as these physical conditions make it hard to destinguish them from the prey at long ranges.

4. NO HIGH EXPLOSIVES. (exemption: Georgia and Alabama, where hunting with High Explosives is an American tradition.)

5. One Mulligan per season: When you receive your zombie hunting license you will also receive one (1) Mulligan Card. This card is to be used as an exemption in the case of an accident…Example: A zombie walks by the annoying neighbor who got drunk and pissed on your gladiolas. You take a shot and miss the zombie and take out the annoying neighbor instead…MULLIGAN!

6. Bow and Blade season begins on Jan 2nd.

7. It is illegal to create a “Crawler.” A “Crawler” is a zombie that is not bi-pedably mobile. A Zombie that drags itself along with its arms is a tripping hazard (CAL-OSHA Rule 3.7 Sec.23). You must dispatch any crawlers.

8. It is illegal to use children as bait. Any person or persons using children as bait can be fined as much as $13.47.

9. Necrophiliacs are not allowed a license. ( He’s the guy with the ’sleeping with the enemy’ t-shirt.)

10. The use of dogs is permitted.

11. The use of automatic weapons is prohibited. Studies show that large capacity weapons used during zombie hunting can leave extremely high levels of cordite in the air. ( Which as we all know…leads to global warming. )

12. During competitive shoots, switching body parts to achieve a bigger ‘trophy ’ is a finable violation.

13. Keith Richards is NOT a zombie.

14. Keith Richards IS a zombie.

15. No freakin’ clue, Keith Richards is on his own.

16. In the event that there is an argument over who shot a specific zombie, the person with the larger firearm shall be deemed the winner of any such argument. (It just saves time and ammo)

17. As of 2/7/2010, it will no longer be legal to use incendiary rounds when Zombie hunting. A flaming zombie is just an accident waiting to happen (….and studies show they lead to global warming.)

18. Head shots kill zombies, women hunters shall refrain from close range crotch assaults on the genitalia of male zombies while using large bore shot guns. Such actions cause nausea in nearby male hunters and let’s face it, It is just wicked wrong.

19. It is illegal to transport a zombie across state lines.

20. It is against federal regulations to drive a Prius to a zombie hunt. (unless you are French or Canadian)

21. You have to wait for a victim to turn into a zombie before you can dispatch them. ( Cal. Ex-Spouse Act of 2003)

22. Due to dehydration and limited mental capacity, Zombie attire will appear baggy and over sized. It is not uncommon to see a zombie with it’s boxers showing and headgear askew. Because of this fact you will not have to use your MULLIGAN card if someone intentionally dressed like a zombie takes a bullet. (Darwin Act 1997, Not Dressing Like Bambi During Deer Season)

23. Mummy’s are not Zombies and are illegal to hunt. Unlike Zombies, Mummy’s are an endangered species. Destruction of a Mummy is a crime and carries a punishment of a $5,000 fine.

6 comments on “Zombie Hunt Rules and Regs

  1. So I’m in the middle of whatching the zombie diarys . Can’t help to think . In an epidemic like this . If forming groups of zombie teams all over the world is the first step to sticking together . Then where do we meet ? . I mean we are running and running to survive . But is there a plan to meet in a certain location ? Or state . ????? . Once again just a thought

    • Hey there Raul. The Survival Team and I are planning to meet at a specified location should the big ZA happen when we’re separated and that spot is our “Safehouse”.

      All Survival Teams should have a meet-up location and should try to get there as quickly as possible and then wait-it-out. The key to surviving is going to wait for the majority of the mayhem to stop and that wait could be weeks or even months. The biggest threat to us and your survival team will probably not be the dead but survivors trying to take what’s not theirs. You should stay unseen and unheard. Once it is relatively safe outside THEN try to find other like-minded teams and work together in defense and survival.

      As far as a meeting place in general. Our team is meeting at a secret cave in the White Tank Mountain Park at the west end of the valley. Since we always have our Bug-out Bags with us and even more supplies buried at the location we could stay there indefinitely. With our booby-traps, sniper-nests and 24 hour watch schedule it should provide us the security we need. Plus it is far away from people and “Panic Spots” so we should be relatively free of zombies and with the Survival Cave needing climbing skills to reach we… will… survive!

      Any further details on a multiple-team meet-up spot should be kept confidential so as to avoid “opportunists” who could take what we worked so hard to prepare. The Team calls it… “The Ant and the Grasshopper Syndrome”.

      Why don’t you list some meet-up spot locations and we’ll decide via email the final destination. I’ll throw the first one out there…

      The Walmart Superstore on Watson and Van Buren. It’s waaaay out west of the Valley and only open until 10. Once closed metal gates lower on all entrances making it impenetrable by even the largest of zombie hoards. It has food, entertainment, medicine, surveillance and lots and lots and lots of weapons possibilities.

  2. Hey Raul this is Braden, the Team’s Communications Expert. I’d like to add that not are there only weapons “possibilities” there are actual weapons. Shotguns, rifles, blades and ammo. Plus it’s at the base of the south-end of the White Tanks making a safe exit for us to the safety of the “Super Secret Survival Cave” should things get hairy.

    Now here is where my expertise comes in handy… On top of the White Tanks are antennas… Big ones with communications equipment at the base of the antennas… Get the drift? Nudge nudge wink wink…

    • Hey there Tyler. Well, divulging our loadout has security issues that we cannot violate so we don’t ever say exactly what we have equipped at any given time.

      In an all out ZA where it’s battle or die I can tell you we can each carry a semi-auto handgun, a shotgun, an assault rifle, dual wielded machetes, and I carry a battle-mace and ice climbing picks. Not to mention our bug-out bags. Several members also carry crossbows. Always prepared, ever vigilant.

      But our plan is to hide for a few weeks until things settle down and then go out when necessary. Then it’s a completely different load out. Each member has a job and takes the appropriate weapon for that job. Scouts with ARs, soldiers with shotguns and handguns and our “creepers” with melee weapons so they can carry more supplies. That job is chosen by volunteers.

      So loadout your survival kit with what you’re most comfortable with and more importantly capable of running with for 1 mile… non-stop… Full speed. We train so we can carry more than the “Average Bear”.

      Good Luck and Good Hunting Survivor. We’d love to hear more from you so comment often!

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